Category Archives: Joke

清明節 – iPhone

QingMingFest

Advertisements

电脑零件对话

Monitor: 我好惨啊!每天给人看…

Keyboard: 我更惨,每天给人打…

Mouse: 我才惨呢,每天给人摸…

Disc Drive: 我最惨,每天给人插…

Floppy: 我更惨现在都没人要插我了…

USB随身碟: 谁有够我惨,这里插完还要去另一边插…搞不好还会被传染…

Motherboard: 不要以为我被很多东西插会很爽,它们插进来了不动才是最难受了…

Speaker: 还说呢,明明是你们被插,结果都是我在叫~

注~我的USB随身碟,还真的染了很多病毒!都怪我太滥交,到处乱乱插…………


Suspension


離婚因素 = =

一女子五年內離婚十一次。 問其何故,搖頭苦答:

一任夫君 中油的……………鑽太深,受不了;
二任老公 消防隊的…………拔出來就噴,難受;
三任老公 建設局的…………脫了又穿,穿了又脫,瞎拆騰;
四任老公 包魚塘的…………一連兩次水乾了才搞,不痛才怪;
五任老公 是公安局的……..喜歡綁住幹,不準我動,苦不堪言;
六任老公 是個組織部的…..光談話,會唬人,就是不搞實事;
七任老公 是個搞古玩的 ….整天輕手輕腳捧著看,比真搞還難受;
八任老公 是個外科醫生…..不見血不停手;
九任老公 是科技局的………整天吵著要創新;
十任老公 是稅務局的………整天就知道睡,睡,睡;
.
.
最後一個老公 是公務員……就知道走 “後門” (o_0) XD


No sex since 2001

>> A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event
>> hosted by a local liberal arts college There was no shortage of
>> extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached
>> the Sergeant Major for conversation.
>>
>> “Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is
>> something bothering you?”
>>
>> “Negative, ma’am. Just serious by nature.”
>>
>> The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, “It
>> looks like you have seen a lot of action.”
>>
>> “Yes, ma’am, a lot of action.”
>>
>> The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said,
>> “You know, you should lighten up. Relax and enjoy yourself.”
>>
>> The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.
>>
>> Finally the young lady said, “You know, I hope you don’t take this
>> the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?”
>>
>> “2001, ma’am.”
>>
>> “Well, there you are. No wonder you’re so serious. You really need to
>> chill out!  I mean, no sex since 2001! She took his hand and led him to
>> a private room where she proceeded to “relax” him several times.
>>
>> Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and
>> said, “Wow, you sure didn’t forget much since 2001.”
>>
>> The Sergeant Major said in his serious voice, after glancing at his
>> watch, “I hope not; it’s only 2130 now.”


Jokes

Businessman on his Deathbed
A businessman on his
deathbed called his friend and said, “Bill, I want you to promise me
that when I die you will have my remains cremated.””And, ” his friend asked, “what do you want me to do with your ashes?”The businessman said, “Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the
Internal Revenue Service. Write on the envelope, “Now, you have
everything.”

Big Luggage
Mr. Smith was a traveling salesman and frequent flyer, so he was always
very, VERY careful to mark his luggage so that no one would mistakenly
take his bags.  He always did this carefully, with bright ribbons and
tape, so he was quite surprised to see his bags grabbed by a well
dressed man.

Mr. Smith pointed out the colored ribbons tied to
the handle, and the fluorescent tape on the sides. “Were your bags
marked like this?”, he asked. “Actually”, the man replied, “I was
wondering who did this to my luggage.”

Two Question
Jimmie, an 80-year-old gentleman, retired to Florida after his wife of 58 years
had passed away. He was quite alone in the world and longed for
companionship. One day, as he was walking through a public park, he
spied what he considered to be a very pretty silver-haired lady sitting
alone on a park bench. Getting his nerve up, he approached the lady and
asked graciously, “Pardon me, ma’am, but may I sit here with you.”

The silver-haired Marcia looked up to see a distinguished looking
white-haired gentleman and replied, “Why certainly,” and scooted over
gently to give him room to sit down.

For the next two hours the two sat and talked about everything. They discovered that they came from the same part of the country, liked the same big band music, voted
for the same presidential candidates, had long happy marriages and lost
their spouses in the last year, and in general agreed about almost
everything.

Finally, the old gentleman cleared his throat and asked sheepishly, “Ma’ am, may I ask you two questions?”

With great anticipation Marcia replied, “Why certainly!”

The old gentleman removed a handkerchief from his coat pocket and spread it
out on the ground before her. He very gingerly got down on one knee and
looked her softly in the eyes.

“Marcia, I know we’ve only known each other for a couple of hours, but we have so much in common. I feel I have known you all my life. Will you marry me and be my wife?”

Marcia grabbed at Jimmie’s hands and said, “Why, yes, I will marry you! You have made me so very happy!”

She reached over and kissed him gently on the cheek. Then Marcia said, “You
said you had two questions to ask me. What is the second question?”

Jimmie scratched his neck and said, “Will you help me get up?”


Good lies 夠絕

At the office, the doctor tells the old man, “I’m sorry, sir, but you have lung cancer. You’ll be dead in a year.”On the way home, the old man turns to his grief-stricken son and says,
“Quit all that cryin’! I’m not depressed. I’ve lived 75 great years.
How ’bout you and me go to my favorite bar and have a couple beers with
my friends?”

So while the guys are having their beers, the old
man breaks the news to his friends. “Fellas,” he says, “I’ll be dead in
a year ’cause I got AIDS.”

On the way home, his son asks, “Dad, why did you lie to your friends?”

His dad replies, “‘Cause when I die, I don’t want them trying to f**k your mother!”