Monthly Archives: May 2010

Jokes

Businessman on his Deathbed
A businessman on his
deathbed called his friend and said, “Bill, I want you to promise me
that when I die you will have my remains cremated.””And, ” his friend asked, “what do you want me to do with your ashes?”The businessman said, “Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the
Internal Revenue Service. Write on the envelope, “Now, you have
everything.”

Big Luggage
Mr. Smith was a traveling salesman and frequent flyer, so he was always
very, VERY careful to mark his luggage so that no one would mistakenly
take his bags.  He always did this carefully, with bright ribbons and
tape, so he was quite surprised to see his bags grabbed by a well
dressed man.

Mr. Smith pointed out the colored ribbons tied to
the handle, and the fluorescent tape on the sides. “Were your bags
marked like this?”, he asked. “Actually”, the man replied, “I was
wondering who did this to my luggage.”

Two Question
Jimmie, an 80-year-old gentleman, retired to Florida after his wife of 58 years
had passed away. He was quite alone in the world and longed for
companionship. One day, as he was walking through a public park, he
spied what he considered to be a very pretty silver-haired lady sitting
alone on a park bench. Getting his nerve up, he approached the lady and
asked graciously, “Pardon me, ma’am, but may I sit here with you.”

The silver-haired Marcia looked up to see a distinguished looking
white-haired gentleman and replied, “Why certainly,” and scooted over
gently to give him room to sit down.

For the next two hours the two sat and talked about everything. They discovered that they came from the same part of the country, liked the same big band music, voted
for the same presidential candidates, had long happy marriages and lost
their spouses in the last year, and in general agreed about almost
everything.

Finally, the old gentleman cleared his throat and asked sheepishly, “Ma’ am, may I ask you two questions?”

With great anticipation Marcia replied, “Why certainly!”

The old gentleman removed a handkerchief from his coat pocket and spread it
out on the ground before her. He very gingerly got down on one knee and
looked her softly in the eyes.

“Marcia, I know we’ve only known each other for a couple of hours, but we have so much in common. I feel I have known you all my life. Will you marry me and be my wife?”

Marcia grabbed at Jimmie’s hands and said, “Why, yes, I will marry you! You have made me so very happy!”

She reached over and kissed him gently on the cheek. Then Marcia said, “You
said you had two questions to ask me. What is the second question?”

Jimmie scratched his neck and said, “Will you help me get up?”