Rajpat (father): I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son: "I will choose my own bride!!!"
Rajpat: "But the girl is Bill Gates’s daughter.."
Son: "Well, in that case…ok"
Next Rajpat approaches Bill Gates.
Rajpat: "I have a husband for your daughter…."
Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!!!!!"
Rajpat: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case…ok"
Finally Rajpat goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Rajpat: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
Rajpat: "But this young man is Bill Gates’s son-in-law."
President: "Ah, in that case…ok"
Conversation from a Nursing Home
Three men at a nursing home were discussing aging.
"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old. "You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!"
"Ah, that’s nothing," said the 70-year-old. "When you’re seventy, you can’t even crap anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran, you sit on the toilet all day and nothing comes out!"
"Actually," said the 80-year-old, "Eighty is the worst age of all."
"Do you have trouble peeing too?" asked the 60-year-old.
"No, not really. I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock, no problem at all."
"Do you have trouble having a dump?"
"No, I have a dump every morning at 6:30."
With great exasperation, the 60-year-old said, "Let me get this straight. You pee every morning at 6:00 and have a dump every morning at 6:30. So what’s so tough about being 80?"
"I don’t wake up until 7:00."
3 frens were caught by a tribe of cannibals.
the chief says that they will only be released if all 3 of their penis adds up to 30 cm. not 0.1 cm longer or shorter….
the first guy strip off… follow by the second guy… then finally the third…
to thier astonishment… they pass the examination and were promptly released.
First guy boast… you guys lagi heng as i am well endowed uh.. i measure 16 cm uh…
Second guy boast… heng i try to tarik back uh… my normal length already near 30 cm… i retract it to 13cm uh.
3rd guy boast… u all then heng the chief’s wife walk pass naked just now giving me a hard on.
A married fellow gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.
"What’s up?" he asks.
"I’m having a heart attack," cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he’s dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says, "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted’s hiding in your closet and he’s got no clothes on!"
The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor.
"You bastard!!!" says the husband. "My wife’s having a heart attack, and all you can do is run around the house naked scaring the kids?"
9 Words Women Use
(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you’re welcome. (I want to add in a clause here – This is true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’ – that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome’ ….. that will bring on a ‘whatever’).
(8) Whatever: Is a women’s way of saying F@!K YOU!
(9) Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this
is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ F or the woman’s response refer to # 3.