Monthly Archives: January 2007

Jokes

 
>> The 1st Affair
>>
>> A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
>> One day they went to her  place and made love all afternoon.
>> Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8  PM.
>> The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes
>> outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.
>> He put on his shoes and drove home.
>>
>> "Where have  you been?" his wife demanded.
>> "I can’t lie to you," he  replied, "I’m having an affair with my
>> secretary.
>>
>> We had sex all afternoon."
>>
>> She looked down at his shoes and said:
>>
>> "You lying bastard!  You’ve been playing golf!"
>>
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>> The 2nd  Affair
>>
>>
>> A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked
>> about havinga son.  They decided to try one last time for the son they
>> always wanted.
>> The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.
>> The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.
>>
>> He was  horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
>>
>> He told  his wife: "There’s no way I can be the father of this baby.
>>
>> Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!
>>
>> Have you been fooling around behind my back?"
>>
>> The wife smiled sweetly and replied: "Not this time!"
>>
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>> The 3rd Affair
>>
>>
>> A mortician was working late one night.  He examined the body of
juju
>>
>> about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery.
>>
>> juju had the largest private part he had ever  seen!
>> "I’m sorry Mr.  juju," the mortician commented,
>>
>> "I can’t allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part.
>>
>> It must be  saved for posterity."
>> So, he removed it,  stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.
>>
>> I have  something to show you won’t believe," he said to his  wife,
>> opening his briefcase.
>> "My God!" the wife  exclaimed,  "juju is dead!"
>>
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>> The 4th Affair
>>
>> A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband
>> opening the front door.
>> "Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."  She rubbed baby oil all over
>> him, then dusted him with talcum powder.  "Don’t move  until I tell
>> you,"   she said, "pretend you’re a statue."
>> "What’s  this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
>> "Oh it’s a statue,"  she replied,  "the Smiths bought one and I
>> liked it so I got one for us, too."
>> No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
>> Around 2 AM  the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned
>> with a sandwich and a beer.  "Here," he said to the statue, have this.  
>> I stood like that for two days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a
>> damned  thing."
>>
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>> The 5th Affair
>>
>> A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
>>
>> "Certainly,  Sir , that’ll be one cent."
>> "One Cent?" the man exclaimed.
>>
>> He glanced  at the menu and asked:"How much for a nice juicy steak
>> and a bottle of wine?"
>> "A nickel," the barman replied.
>>
>> "A nickel?"  exclaimed the man. "Where’s the guy who owns this place?"
>>
>>
>> The bartender replied: "Upstairs, with my wife."
>>
>> The man asked: "What’s he doing upstairs with your wife?"
>> The bartender replied: "The same thing I’m doing to his business
>> down here."
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>> The  6th Affair
>>
>> Jake was  dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
>>
>> He looked up  and said weakly: "I have something I  must confess".
>> "There’s no need to, " his wife  replied.
>>
>> "No," he insisted,  "I want to die in peace."
>>
>> I slept with  your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and
>> your mother!"
>> "I know," she replied, "now just rest and let the poison work."
 
 
 
 
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