Monthly Archives: October 2005

Jokes – 1

 
 
> > > > >BABY FOOD

> > > > >A three-year-old walked up to a pregnant lady while waiting with

> > > > >his mother in the doctor’s office. He inquisitively asked the lady,

> > > > >"Why is your stomach so big?"

> > > > >She replied, "I’m having a baby."

> > > > >With big eyes, he asked, "Is the baby in your stomach?"

> > > > >She answered, "He sure is."

> > > > >Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, "Is it a good baby?"

> > > > >She said, "Oh, yes. It’s a real good baby."

> > > > >With an even more surprised and shocked look, he asked, "Then why

> > > > >did you eat him?"

> > > > >_________________________________________________________

> > > > >

> > > > >HEART

> > > > >In a kindergarten class, the teacher ask the class to describe "

> > > > >heart".  The 1st girl raise her hand and stood up and said " heart

> > > > >is red in color".

> > > > >Teacher praise the girl.

> > > > >Teacher: " Anyone else can give me another answer? "

> > > > >Another girl raise her hand and got up and said " heart pumps blood".

> > > > >Teacher praise the girl.

> > > > >Teacher: " One more answer? "

> > > > >Little Jonny got up and said " heart has legs"

> > > > >Amused and puzzled, the teacher ask little Johnny why he said heart

> >has legs.

> > > > >Little Johnny said: "I was outside my daddy’s room last night and

> >heard my daddy

> > > > >said ‘Sweet Heart, Open Your Legs ‘ You see, heart got legs!!

> > > > >_________________________________________________________

> > > > >

> > > > >I RATHER HAVE A PUPPY

> > > > >A little boy and his dad were walking down the street when they saw

> > > > >two dogs having sex.

> > > > >The little boy asks his father "Daddy, what are they doing?"

> > > > >The father says, "Making a puppy" So they walk on and go home.

> > > > >A few days later, the little boy walks in on his parents having sex.

> > > > >The little boy says "Daddy, what are you doing?"

> > > > >The father replies, "Making a baby."

> > > > >The little boy says "hmmmm, can you please flip Mommy around?

> > > > >I’d rather have a puppy instead!"

> > > > >__________________________________________________________

> > > > >

> > > > >SEX EDUCATION

> > > > >A Primary School teacher decides to teach sex ed. to her class.

> > > > >She starts out by drawing a penis on the chalk board and asks the class,

> > > > >"Does anyone know what this is?"

> > > > >And little Johnny says, "Yes, my dad has 2 of them!"

> > > > >And the teacher says, "Are you sure about that?"

> > > > >And little Johnny says, "Yes, he uses a small skinny one to go to

> > > > >the bathroom, and a big long one to torture my mummy with."

> > > > >__________________________________________________________

> > > > >

> > > > >DEAD GOLD FISH

> > > > >Little Tim was in the garden filling a hole when his neighbor

> > > > >peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster

> > > > >was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Tim?"

> > > > >"My goldfish died," replied Tim tearfully, without looking up, "and

> > > > >I’ve just buried him."

> > > > >The neighbor said, "That’s an awfully big hole for a goldfish,

> > > > >isn’t it, Tim?"

> > > > >Tim patted down the last heap of earth and replied, "That’s because

> > > > >I couldn’t get him out of your cat."

> > > > >____________________________________________

> > > > >

> > > > >THE WHOLE TRUTH

> > > > >At school, a boy was told by a classmate that most adults are

> > > > >hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to

> > > > >blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth". The boy decides

> > > > >to go home and try it out.

> > > > >He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know

> > > > >the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him a $50 note and says,

> > > > >"Just don’t tell your father. "

> > > > >Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work,

> > > > >and greets him with, "I know the whole truth."

> > > > >The father also promptly hands him a $50 note and says, "Please

> > > > >don’t say a word to your mother." Very pleased, the boy is on his way

> > > > >to school the next day, when he sees the mailman at his front door.

> > > > >The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth."

> > > > >The mailman drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come

> > > > >give your FATHER a big hug."

> > > > >_________________________________________________________

> > > > >

> > > > >WHISPER

> > > > >A mother took her little boy to church. While in church the little

> > > > >boy said, "Mommy, I have to pee."

> > > > >The mother said to the little boy, "It’s not appropriate to say the

> > > > >word’pee’ in church. So, from now on whenever you have to ‘pee’ just

> > > > >tell me that you have to ‘whisper.’"

> > > > >The following Sunday, the little boy went to church with his father

> > > > >and during the service said to his father, "Daddy, I have to whisper."

> > > > >The father looked at him and said, "Okay, why don’t you whisper in

> > > > >my ear."

> > > > >_________________________________________________________________

> > > >